Sorry, Can't Blog Now

Every superhero has his weakness.  Superman has kryptonite, Batman has hot women (Catwoman, Poison Ivy, etc.), and I am no different.  I actually have many weaknesses, Peanut Butter Tagalongs from the Girl Scouts of America, the 48 hours of the NFL Draft, and finally, the reason I can't blog right now... American Idol... go ahead get your laughs out now, but I'm totally secure in my Idolitis.  I'm not talking about laughing at the losers that think they can actually sing, but really suck.  I like watching the real stuff.  The performances are intense, narrowing from the top 24 to 1.  Although I think it would be great to add some full contact performances, of maybe mixing Idol with other various reality shows.  Maybe making the contestants sing while drinking a roach gut milkshake, while Joe Rogan screams in their face, ala Fear Factor; or making them sing for the love of the one and only Flava Flav (YEAH BOIE!!!).  Just a though, but even without the added elements, Simon Cowell is perhaps the most entertaining person on television. Sorry, but I must go... I'm missing Paula Abdul acting like a drunk maniac again.  Until next time, same Otter-time, same Otter-Website.

The Formal Nomination

The following is a resolution requesting that Jack Bauer be name an honorary superhero. Although he has no actual super powers, he does have the good natured, citizen protecting, evil-ridding attitude that is inhereant in all superheroes:

Whereas, Jack Bauer has saved the country on

numerous occasions, protecting the American citizens from certain doom.

Whereas, Bauer managed to raise a daughter, have a relationship with a significant other, and maintain authority at CTU, all while fighting crime.

Whereas, he manages to go through many 24 hour periods with out sleeping, eating, or going to the bathroom.

Whereas, Bauer is much more acceptable in humanity than the smoking, liquor-guzzling, maniac driver that portrays him.

Whereas, the clock ticking and CTU phone ring is stuck in the heads of millions of Americans.

Whereas, JACK BAUER KICKS SERIOUS BUTT!!!

He should be added to the list of superheroes. as one common saying goes, "Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas." Although, Superman doesn't wear pajamas, he told me he sleeps in a ratty pair of boxers that have seen there better days (he has no need to buy real underwear because he has them built in on the outside of his tights.) Other nominees that will be considered later, include, but are not limited to: Chuck Norris, Peyton Manning, and Jon from "Jon and Kate Plus 8." Until next time... same Otter-time, same Otter-Website.

Top Five Villains in Media History

There are a few things that are incredibly hard to pull off in Hollywood. First, making a good move with Rob Schneider. Second, finding an actress that hasn't gone to see Dr. 90210. Lastly, being able play a supervillain flawlessly. I have compiled a list of what I believe to be the top performances of supervillains in the television and movies industries over the past 50 years.

1. Michael Rosenbaum - Lex Luthor in "Smallville" (2001-Present)

2. Cillian Murphy - ScareCrow in "Batman Begins" (2005)

3. Terrence Stamp -General Zod in "Superman 2" (1980)

4. (tie) Jack Nicholson - The Joker in "Batman" (1989)

Willem DaFoe - Green Goblin in "Spiderman" (2002)

5. (tie) Burgess Meredeth - The Penguin in "Batman" (1966)

Ceser Romero - The Joker in "Batman" (1966)

Frank Gorshin - The Riddler in "Batman" (1966)

Honorable Mention goes to Heath Ledger as the Joker in this summer's "The Dark Knight". Even the trailer make him look like the best supervillain EVER. I will reserve judgment until after the release though. Holllywood lost a terrific actor in Mr. Ledger. If you haven't seen any of these

movies, you must, and if you disagree, or

believe I've overlooked anyone, let me know. Until next time, same Otter-Time, same Otter-Website...

Why Purple??

During yesterday's post, I placed a picture of the "Incredible Hulk" in the midst of the rambling. Little did I know it would create a 24 Hour long conumdrum in my mind. There are somethings a superhero can't control about their physical apperance. Daredevil can't help that his eyes are burnt, Martian ManHunter can't help that, well, he's a martian, Wonder Woman can't help that she's hot, and The Incredible Hulk can't help that's he's green (it's part of the chemical reaction that gave him his strength in the first place). But there are certain things that a hero can control about their physical appearance. Such as what they are wearing. Batman looks like a bat, Spiderman has spiderwebs all over his get-up, but the one thing I can't get over is... why does the Hulk have purple pants?! Who wears purple pants?! He looks like he's saving Studio 54, not the world! Give the guy a gold chain and he's the superhero mascot for Mardi Gras. And, why is he always in purple pants. They're always ripped and torn to shreds from his unexpected transformations, so he had to be wearing them as physicist Dr. Bruce Banner (his true idenity). I know only a few physicist, but none of them wear purple pants ever! On top of that, he ruins those pants when he transforms into the Hulk, so he has to keep buying them. Even if he only transforms once a week, that 52 pairs of purple pants a year. Regardless of his fashion sense, he would smash me like a bug. I can picture him reading this mummering "don't make me angry, you don't want to see me when I'm angry." All I know is that Hulk will always protect golfer Ian Poulter and the entire Minnesota Vikings football team because of their similar tastes. Maybe if we all wore purple pants it would help with his little temper problem. While its true that superheroes put their pants on one leg at a time just like everybody else, if your Dr. Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Incredible Hulk, your pants are purple. Until next time, same Otter-Time, same Otter-Website...

Super Hero Theme Songs

Yesterday, I eluded to the fact that most superheroes have theme songs. I even went out on a limb and guessed that Batman would have his theme song as a ringtone on his iPhone. Although most superheroes have their own theme song, is it a requirement to dawn the tights and fight crime? To an extent, I think it'd be cool to have a theme song play every time you jumped in your car through the window, stepped in a phone booth, or started to turn an odd shade of green because your angry. But there are a few stipulations. The theme song can only play when you do something cool, not every time you brush your teeth, or take a bite of an apple. It also has to be a good song, not "I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World," or (God-forbid) the Macarrana. Wouldn't that be awful; everytime you wanted to saved a city of unknowing citizens, they couldn't express their gratitude with anything but hand motions and rump-shaking... actually, that doesn't sound all that bad.

Although theme songs are common in the superhero world, they do not guarantee superhero powers... but they do guarantee a factor of coolness. Take for instance, Magnum P.I.; the guy has a theme song, so he is "cool." Although studies are still being conducted to determine if the mustache has any effect as well. Nevertheless, I have decided that Otter needs a theme song. Any suggestions feel free to post what you think it should be in the comment section, or let me know what your personal theme song is. Until next time... same Otter Time, same Otter Website

Having Trouble Getting a Good Bat Signal

Technology is a beautiful thing. Batman seemed to have his super finger on the pulse of a generation. His gadgets were unbelievable. He had everything from a poision bat frisbee to jet pack shoes to super heated underwear (which I think it's a crime he hasn't put those on the market). He had the Batmobile, the Batboat, and the flying thing that could probrably just be called... a bat. But with all his technology, there is one thing he obvioiusly forgot. In this midst of the bat cave, one concept has eluded the Caped Crusader. The cell phone. Instead of joining Chad's circle, Batman has to just keep his eyes glued to the sky in case of an emergency. I mean, you'd think that with all the time Batman has saved Gotham City, Commisioner Gordon would splerge and get the guy and iPhone. Come to think of it, how did they test the Bat Signal? Did they use their cell phones, shine the thing up in the sky, and say "can you see me now?" What about crimes committed in the day time? He won't be able to see it! Anyway, all of you citizens of Gotham City, I'm starting a collection for the "Batman needs a Cell Phone" fund. Email me to make arrangements for your contributions. Give the guy a couple of months and he'll have it rigged to take satellite photographs of the Joker's lair, play his own theme song (subject for next blog), and call Alfred to let him know when to have dinner ready, all while shooting rockets from the headphone jack. But the most important reason to get Batman a cellphone... imagine hearing, "You've reached Batman (WHAM!), and I'm not able to come (BOOM!) the phone right now because I'm fighting crime (POW!) please leave a message at the (BLAM!) and I'll get back to you as soon as possible (ZAP!)" Until next time, same Otter time, same Otter Website..

Enough With the Primary Colors

As superhero's, creativity is not our strongest attribute. Take for instance the fact that all of the popular superheroes are all about the primary colors. No creativity! Superman - red, yellow, blue; Spiderman - red, blue; Wonderwoman - yellow, red blue; The Flash - red, yellow. Its ridiculous. For you to truly appreciate the utter boredom of this fact, try it yourself. I challenge any reader to wear nothing but primary colors for one week. I'm not talking about blue jeans with a pale yellowish shirt, I'm talking pure red, blue, and yellow (you can even wear the briefs on the outside if you really want to look authentic). Although I think any colors would look great on Wonder Woman, the others, I'm not ready to give a pass to. But who said superheroes were perfect? Superman doesn't exactly have Joan Rivers on speed dial... or does he? Until next time... same Otter Time... same Otter-Website...