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What up! - new blog site, christiananders.wordpress.com --- every superhero must unveil his identity at some point or another... 

Album of the Year!!

Today, Jason Mraz came out with his third studio album, and I must say, it's probrably the best album I've heard in my life. I am a musician for a living (or at least my alter-ego is) and I only dream of having the talent Mr. A-Z has in his pinky finger. This album promotes him from average "Geek in the Pink" to "Superhero in the Pink." The album is entitled "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things" (which means he might have some super-villain potential). But it gets two capes up from this superhero!

Don't Call It A Comeback

Actually, you could call it a comeback.  It's been almost 6 weeks since my last post, and alot has happened.  Our superdog, Georgia, has had 9 puppies, all of which are next in line to Ace, the Bat Hound, Krypto, the SuperDog, and Underdog, as canine crime fighters.  My alter-ego, also got a new job.  A very exciting job at that.  Major props to the loyal ones who have checked this site regularly to see if there has been any update.  For the record.... if Charlie would have bit me, I would have cried more than his brother.... We're getting rid of the stupid catch phrase.  As my boy Billy would say, "Peace, I'm Outta Here!!"

The Dark Knight

Christian Bale as Batman, Heath Ledger as The Joker

This movie looks great.  July is a long way away, so I try to watch this once every 2 or 3 hours.  This movie, popcorn, buncha crunch, and my shoes sticking to the floor of the theatre sounds like the perfect day.  Until next time, same Otter-time, same Otter-Website.

Super Deals

Ok give me a second before you hit that 'x' in the corner of your screen, I promise this is not a used car commercial.  I'm not trying to sell you a 95 kia spectra with 70,000 miles on it for no down payment and 0% APR.  I simply want to give credit where credit is due.  As a superhero, I have to be careful where I use the word "super," to be sure I don't lessen my own classification.  But somethings are worth of the adjective.  The most recent experience I've had with something super is the $4.99 buffet at CiCi's pizza.  CiCi's the most spectacular "bang for you buck" you will every experience.  From the infamous "Welcome to CiCi's!!" upon walking into the door to the super awesome arcade games, CiCi's is SUPER.  You can get everything from a salad, to pasta, to pizza (regular and zesty), and those cinnamon rolls that make you blood cells like a Mack Truck on a neighborhood street.  Since Bruce Wayne is the exception when it comes to the economic security of superheroes, CiCi's provides a large amount of fuel, for a small amount of cash.  Thank you CiCi's.  Until next time, same Otter-time, same Otter-Website.

No Brainiac's at the FDA

One of the promienent characters in Superman is the Brain Inter-Active Construct, otherwise known as Brainiac. He, by far, is one of the smartest characters in comic book history, and has been the namesake of overachieving kids for years. Unfortunately, the very place that we need the "brainiac's", are the same places that we'll find the exact opposite. Take for instance the FDA (Food and Drug Administration). In March of 2007, they released a request to drug products with the following statement: "Sleep driving is defined as driving while not fully awake," they could stop there, and I would just chalk it up the extreme intellegence of Captain Obvious, but no, they keep going, "Sleep driving is defined as driving while not fully awake after ingestion of a sedative-hypnotic product, with no memory of the event." I'm glad to know the geniuses as the FDA have decided to eliminate regular sleep from the category of "sleep driving." So for those of you who are just really tired at the wheel of a car, don't worry, unless you have taken sedative, you are not in any danger of sleep driving, according to the FDA. I also am dumbfounded at the end of the definition, "with no memory of the event." Let's see, I remember falling asleep, but after that... nothing. Welcome to EVERY HUMAN's sleeping pattern. Well, officer, I was asleep at the wheel after ingesting a sedative, but I remember seeing the red light, running it, aiming my car for the fire hydrant at the corner of 9th and Main, and then thinking it would be fun to slam my vehicle into this inbankment here." As the officer responds, "well, too bad you took that sedative, or else I wouldn't have to right you up for sleep driving." Congratulations FDA, in you misinforming millions of American's... happy sueing to all the attorney's out there. Just to clarify... DRIVING WHILE ASLEEP IS BAD!!! Until next time, same Otter time, same Otter-Website.

Crazy Duo's

Clark Kent has his newspaper writing gig, Bruce Wayne has his philanthropy with billions, and Peter Parker delivers pizza and takes pictures. Every superhero has their alternate identity, mine is sitting at a desk, playing on the internet all day. Fun, I know. Today on a popular news site I read about a broadway musical that is in the works. The music was composed by none other than John Mellancamp. While this is not unusual, due to the fact that many promienant musicians have writting music for Broadway in recent years (Elton John, Billy Joel, etc), the writer of the non-music portions is unusual. In fact, he defines unusual. Stephen King. That's right, a Broadway musical coming to a stage near you, written by John Mellencamp, and Steven King. I can hear it now, "Here's a little diddy, about Jack and Diane; getting chased by ghosts and demons in a haunted piece of graveyard land." This duo is perhaps the most odd pairing since that horrible Tim McGraw and Nelly song. The good news is that I've always wanted to hear the Chevy theme song while I being terrified for my life. Good thing King and Mellencamp paired, or I would never be able to experience that.

Certain duo's don't sit well with the American public. Shaq and Kobe didn't last, neither did Brad and Jennifer, or Michael Jackson and 10-year-olds. Superheroes always get this right. Batman and Robin, Lois and Clark, Wonder Woman and spandex. The celebrity world should take notice from these pairings, and stick to sure fire duo's that won't disappoint. Although, Britney Spears' pairing with the Hair Club for Men would be interesting.... until next time, same Otter-time, same Otter-Website

Sorry, Can't Blog Now

Every superhero has his weakness.  Superman has kryptonite, Batman has hot women (Catwoman, Poison Ivy, etc.), and I am no different.  I actually have many weaknesses, Peanut Butter Tagalongs from the Girl Scouts of America, the 48 hours of the NFL Draft, and finally, the reason I can't blog right now... American Idol... go ahead get your laughs out now, but I'm totally secure in my Idolitis.  I'm not talking about laughing at the losers that think they can actually sing, but really suck.  I like watching the real stuff.  The performances are intense, narrowing from the top 24 to 1.  Although I think it would be great to add some full contact performances, of maybe mixing Idol with other various reality shows.  Maybe making the contestants sing while drinking a roach gut milkshake, while Joe Rogan screams in their face, ala Fear Factor; or making them sing for the love of the one and only Flava Flav (YEAH BOIE!!!).  Just a though, but even without the added elements, Simon Cowell is perhaps the most entertaining person on television. Sorry, but I must go... I'm missing Paula Abdul acting like a drunk maniac again.  Until next time, same Otter-time, same Otter-Website.

The Formal Nomination

The following is a resolution requesting that Jack Bauer be name an honorary superhero. Although he has no actual super powers, he does have the good natured, citizen protecting, evil-ridding attitude that is inhereant in all superheroes:

Whereas, Jack Bauer has saved the country on

numerous occasions, protecting the American citizens from certain doom.

Whereas, Bauer managed to raise a daughter, have a relationship with a significant other, and maintain authority at CTU, all while fighting crime.

Whereas, he manages to go through many 24 hour periods with out sleeping, eating, or going to the bathroom.

Whereas, Bauer is much more acceptable in humanity than the smoking, liquor-guzzling, maniac driver that portrays him.

Whereas, the clock ticking and CTU phone ring is stuck in the heads of millions of Americans.

Whereas, JACK BAUER KICKS SERIOUS BUTT!!!

He should be added to the list of superheroes. as one common saying goes, "Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas." Although, Superman doesn't wear pajamas, he told me he sleeps in a ratty pair of boxers that have seen there better days (he has no need to buy real underwear because he has them built in on the outside of his tights.) Other nominees that will be considered later, include, but are not limited to: Chuck Norris, Peyton Manning, and Jon from "Jon and Kate Plus 8." Until next time... same Otter-time, same Otter-Website.

Top Five Villains in Media History

There are a few things that are incredibly hard to pull off in Hollywood. First, making a good move with Rob Schneider. Second, finding an actress that hasn't gone to see Dr. 90210. Lastly, being able play a supervillain flawlessly. I have compiled a list of what I believe to be the top performances of supervillains in the television and movies industries over the past 50 years.

1. Michael Rosenbaum - Lex Luthor in "Smallville" (2001-Present)

2. Cillian Murphy - ScareCrow in "Batman Begins" (2005)

3. Terrence Stamp -General Zod in "Superman 2" (1980)

4. (tie) Jack Nicholson - The Joker in "Batman" (1989)

Willem DaFoe - Green Goblin in "Spiderman" (2002)

5. (tie) Burgess Meredeth - The Penguin in "Batman" (1966)

Ceser Romero - The Joker in "Batman" (1966)

Frank Gorshin - The Riddler in "Batman" (1966)

Honorable Mention goes to Heath Ledger as the Joker in this summer's "The Dark Knight". Even the trailer make him look like the best supervillain EVER. I will reserve judgment until after the release though. Holllywood lost a terrific actor in Mr. Ledger. If you haven't seen any of these

movies, you must, and if you disagree, or

believe I've overlooked anyone, let me know. Until next time, same Otter-Time, same Otter-Website...

Why Purple??

During yesterday's post, I placed a picture of the "Incredible Hulk" in the midst of the rambling. Little did I know it would create a 24 Hour long conumdrum in my mind. There are somethings a superhero can't control about their physical apperance. Daredevil can't help that his eyes are burnt, Martian ManHunter can't help that, well, he's a martian, Wonder Woman can't help that she's hot, and The Incredible Hulk can't help that's he's green (it's part of the chemical reaction that gave him his strength in the first place). But there are certain things that a hero can control about their physical appearance. Such as what they are wearing. Batman looks like a bat, Spiderman has spiderwebs all over his get-up, but the one thing I can't get over is... why does the Hulk have purple pants?! Who wears purple pants?! He looks like he's saving Studio 54, not the world! Give the guy a gold chain and he's the superhero mascot for Mardi Gras. And, why is he always in purple pants. They're always ripped and torn to shreds from his unexpected transformations, so he had to be wearing them as physicist Dr. Bruce Banner (his true idenity). I know only a few physicist, but none of them wear purple pants ever! On top of that, he ruins those pants when he transforms into the Hulk, so he has to keep buying them. Even if he only transforms once a week, that 52 pairs of purple pants a year. Regardless of his fashion sense, he would smash me like a bug. I can picture him reading this mummering "don't make me angry, you don't want to see me when I'm angry." All I know is that Hulk will always protect golfer Ian Poulter and the entire Minnesota Vikings football team because of their similar tastes. Maybe if we all wore purple pants it would help with his little temper problem. While its true that superheroes put their pants on one leg at a time just like everybody else, if your Dr. Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Incredible Hulk, your pants are purple. Until next time, same Otter-Time, same Otter-Website...

Super Hero Theme Songs

Yesterday, I eluded to the fact that most superheroes have theme songs. I even went out on a limb and guessed that Batman would have his theme song as a ringtone on his iPhone. Although most superheroes have their own theme song, is it a requirement to dawn the tights and fight crime? To an extent, I think it'd be cool to have a theme song play every time you jumped in your car through the window, stepped in a phone booth, or started to turn an odd shade of green because your angry. But there are a few stipulations. The theme song can only play when you do something cool, not every time you brush your teeth, or take a bite of an apple. It also has to be a good song, not "I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World," or (God-forbid) the Macarrana. Wouldn't that be awful; everytime you wanted to saved a city of unknowing citizens, they couldn't express their gratitude with anything but hand motions and rump-shaking... actually, that doesn't sound all that bad.

Although theme songs are common in the superhero world, they do not guarantee superhero powers... but they do guarantee a factor of coolness. Take for instance, Magnum P.I.; the guy has a theme song, so he is "cool." Although studies are still being conducted to determine if the mustache has any effect as well. Nevertheless, I have decided that Otter needs a theme song. Any suggestions feel free to post what you think it should be in the comment section, or let me know what your personal theme song is. Until next time... same Otter Time, same Otter Website

Having Trouble Getting a Good Bat Signal

Technology is a beautiful thing. Batman seemed to have his super finger on the pulse of a generation. His gadgets were unbelievable. He had everything from a poision bat frisbee to jet pack shoes to super heated underwear (which I think it's a crime he hasn't put those on the market). He had the Batmobile, the Batboat, and the flying thing that could probrably just be called... a bat. But with all his technology, there is one thing he obvioiusly forgot. In this midst of the bat cave, one concept has eluded the Caped Crusader. The cell phone. Instead of joining Chad's circle, Batman has to just keep his eyes glued to the sky in case of an emergency. I mean, you'd think that with all the time Batman has saved Gotham City, Commisioner Gordon would splerge and get the guy and iPhone. Come to think of it, how did they test the Bat Signal? Did they use their cell phones, shine the thing up in the sky, and say "can you see me now?" What about crimes committed in the day time? He won't be able to see it! Anyway, all of you citizens of Gotham City, I'm starting a collection for the "Batman needs a Cell Phone" fund. Email me to make arrangements for your contributions. Give the guy a couple of months and he'll have it rigged to take satellite photographs of the Joker's lair, play his own theme song (subject for next blog), and call Alfred to let him know when to have dinner ready, all while shooting rockets from the headphone jack. But the most important reason to get Batman a cellphone... imagine hearing, "You've reached Batman (WHAM!), and I'm not able to come (BOOM!) the phone right now because I'm fighting crime (POW!) please leave a message at the (BLAM!) and I'll get back to you as soon as possible (ZAP!)" Until next time, same Otter time, same Otter Website..

Enough With the Primary Colors

As superhero's, creativity is not our strongest attribute. Take for instance the fact that all of the popular superheroes are all about the primary colors. No creativity! Superman - red, yellow, blue; Spiderman - red, blue; Wonderwoman - yellow, red blue; The Flash - red, yellow. Its ridiculous. For you to truly appreciate the utter boredom of this fact, try it yourself. I challenge any reader to wear nothing but primary colors for one week. I'm not talking about blue jeans with a pale yellowish shirt, I'm talking pure red, blue, and yellow (you can even wear the briefs on the outside if you really want to look authentic). Although I think any colors would look great on Wonder Woman, the others, I'm not ready to give a pass to. But who said superheroes were perfect? Superman doesn't exactly have Joan Rivers on speed dial... or does he? Until next time... same Otter Time... same Otter-Website...

A Case of the Mondays

I must start with an apology to the few consistant readers of this blog. Sunday's will be the one off day of the week for this superhero. Why? The answer is simple. Because I must focus all of my energy on Monday. While heroes have various powers, perhaps the most powerful power of all is the power of a Monday. Nothing can strike fear into the average working man like a Monday. Filled with staff meetings, weekly projections, and the dread that you won't see the light of day for another 5 days. The pure evil of Mondays is compounded greatly upon itself. Monday's suck, so people walk around pissed off. You, yourself can't help but be pissed off as a result. The weekend was just long enough to tease your mind into thinking, "this is the life, I could do this everyday...." when all of a sudden the constant buzzing of Monday's alarm clock jolts you into reality. Monday's would be much better if people didn't have to report until noon. While this would prove completely inefficient for the rest of the week, I'm willing to argue it would increase efficientcy on Monday. Instead of having people moap around wishing they were still in the midst sleeping in, staying up late, and doing nothing with as many people as possible, they would have a whole morning to transition from weekend to work week. Therefore, increasing the productivity of 4 hours on Monday afternoon to more than a full day. Or it is just possible that I am using one of my more unique abilities; making logical arguements to justify my "super-laziness." Until next time.... Same Otter-Time, Same Otter-Website.

Do Superheroes Get Weekends??

I've always wondered how a superhero unwinds.  Today is a day for rest and relaxation for most, catch up on things that have to get done before the next week, and test the living room couches durability while seeing how long it is actually humanly (or superhumanly) possible to watch ESPN.  But superheroes don't get that luxury... or do they?  First and foremost, a superhero is always on duty when there are evil plots waiting to pop up unannounced like a pimple on a 15-year-old.  But lets examine the process behind these evil plots.  They are always spear-headed by some evil villain who lacks any moral value.  They are usually super geniuses who are too lazy to make their millions like the rest of the MIT nerds; coming up with formulas and theories behind a desk waiting for the invention of human-like robots so they can be programed to accept the date invitation to "Trekkie-Fest 2008."  No, these evil villains think of one genius, yet flawed, process that will "take over the world."  They are by definition lazy.  So why would they waste their weekend trying to blow up the earth?  They're undoubtably  somewhere with the token "Bad Guy's Girl" dreaming of what to do when they control the minds of the general public.  So that is scratched off the superhero's agenda.  As for resting and relaxing,  most superheroes have a power to sustain their physical activity longer than the average human.  Have you ever seen a flabby superhero?  Second, catching up on the mundane things needed to make life run a little easier... well that's why Batman has Alfred.  So my conclusion is that superheroes have something in common with the average red-blooded American man.  Superman, or garbage man, we will all be sitting on the couch with a cold beer in one hand, and the remote control in the other.  Thank you ESPN.  Until next time.... same Otter-time, same Otter-Website.     

The Green Arrow vs Cupid

Dealing with a Valentine's Day hangover, I thought it only appropriate to give the day's star a few more minutes of fame. While Santa has the whole holiday season covered, and the Tooth Fairy is on notice year round, Cupid has one day to shine. Valentines Day. The cute baby barring only a pair of wings, a diaper, quiver of arrows, and a bow has become a very familiar image to all of us. I know there is a long history of Cupid, but I'm not so sure I believe it. Cupid for centuries has supposedly been shooting star-crossed lovers causing them to fall in love and live happily ever after. So what happens, when Cupid himself falls in love? Or wishes to fall in love? Or has outgrown that diaper? My theory is one day Cupid got sick of everybody staring at this 17-year-old kid walking around in nothing but a diaper. Even the girl he had fallen in love with called him "Diaper Rash," which he would never admit to being quite accurate. To make it worse, the girl was dating his best friend from elementary school, East R. Bunny. Sure he was kind of hairy and had buck teeth, but at least he wore clothes (no matter how pastel they were). Tired of being a wimpy boy in a diaper, he went home and ripped down all the red, pink, and white wallpaper and vowed to change.

With that in mind, I now turn your attention to one of the only weapon-barring superheroes in history. The Green Arrow. Superhero History 101 states that all superheroes are molded in their childhood to become the heroes they are meant to be. Is it possible that Cupid's tortured childhood caused him to take up a secret idenity and fight crime? Seriously, how many blond headed people are known for their archering skills? Two: Cupid and the Green Arrow. Have your ever seen them in the same place at the same time? Didn't think so. So this Valentines Day, or day after, you find yourself cursing Cupid for his missing arrows, just remember; it is possible you are sacrificing your forever happiness with another so crime can be put to rest. I am not trying to rat out a superhero's secret idenity, but given those of you assurance that Cupid/Green Arrow did not forget you this Hallmark Holiday Season, in turn he is saving you from the evil super villians that indanger us all. Until next time... same Otter Time, same Otter Website...

Valentine's Day

I don't know what Superman got Lois Lane for Valentine's Day, but I'm sure it was amazing. Not because superheroes have an innate ability to give great gifts, but a superhero's "better half" means that they are better than the other. To be better than a superhero is quite an accomplishment. Although these ramblings have a bit of humor to them, today we will give credit where credit is due. While superheroes get most of the attention, today is the day to recognize the woman (apologies to Wonder Woman's male counter-part) behind the cape. To my wife: Thanks for the days of washing the Super Tights (and remembering the fabric softener for more comfortable crime-fighting), putting up with the holes in the ceiling from spontaneous flights out of the house when it was too slow to use the door, cleaning the Otter-Cave, and the many other wonders you accomplish in a day that can be classified as nothing less than super-human. Happy Valentine's Day. If only their was a super-human ability to remember when our anniversary is... Also, for all you superheroes, remember to care for your "better half" because ex-lovers make terrific super villians. Saving the world one scorned lover at a time, until next time, same Otter Time, same Otter Website

Conspiracy Theory

To prove my worth as a superhero, it is my job to uncover the evil conspiracies that haunt the great people of this country. This obviously takes some practice. At first I tried to uncover the recipe to the Cane's Sauce at Raising Cane's (for our nationwide readers, its savory goodness made of who-knows-what) had some sort of addictive narcotic in it. Second, after this year's Super Bowl, I attempted to alert the world that the NFL is staged and pre-determined. I was convinced that Vince MacMahon secretly owned ESPN; and writers, paid officials, coaches, and athletes were all in on it, tricking the American public. Vince's next step was to open the 2008 NFL season with two rival-teams cheerleaders getting into a scuffle while Peyton Manning gave Tom Brady a steel chair to the head. This theory was proved incorrect because apparently the steroids are in another sport.
After a few misfires on my part on the previous conspiracy theories, I have come up with the one that has the most legitamacy to it. Who purchases a product without ever seeing it? I'm not talking about services like your energy bill, or the guy who says he "mowes your lawn" even though you've never seen him. I'm talking about an actual product. I spoke to a friend today in NYC that says he's paying $3.50 a gallon for "premium" gasoline. How can you possibly know you are truly getting a "high quality" product? You stick the nozzle in the tank and press the red button instead of the white or blue one, and hope your not getting duped. So to all the luxury car owners out there: Congratulations for paying $20 more at the gas station for the premium gas that you think you are getting. The colaboration between luxury car companies that say the need premium fuel and the gas companies that offer this "premium" fuel is outrageous. It is my duty to save the luxury-car-driving Americans from blindly accepting these elevated charges. My solution is that everyone switch to electric golf carts. If 80-year-old Sal at Florida's Old and Lumpy Country Club can handle it, I think we all can. No more gasoline, no wrecks causing injury, all without losing the personal style of a full-sized automobile. Can you imagine a Cadillac Escalade golf cart? 8" spinners and all. But who knows, after we do that, I'll have to foil the evil plot against energy companies offering "premium energy." Saving the world one day at a time. Until next time, same Otter Time, same Otter Website.

Super Feats of the Day

Today I accomplished many super feats that could only be only be attributed to a super human power that I am not acutely aware of.  First, I woke up without hitting my snooze button once. Enough said.  Second, my wife is very sick, the kind that leaves one bathroom in the house untouchable until a HAZMAT unit can clear the premises.  This in it self is not a super feat, but the fact that I had a sudden craving for 104 oz. of water... and we only have one bathroom.  After hours of feeling like I was about to combust from the bladder outward, I had an existential "mind over matter" moment.  If Flomax had a superhero spokesperson, it would be me.  Lastly, I supervised a group of people in an activity I had no idea about.  The blind leading the blind.  If Superman has x-ray vision, I had the opposite.  Leading someone in an activity that you yourself had no idea how to do, I was impressed.  If only B.S. was somewhere in the National Registery of Super Powers.  Until next time, same Otter Time, same Otter Web-site. 

The First of Many

So, I've decided to join this blogging generation. I hope someone other than my wife reads this because that would make the whole experience counter-productive. I'm also curious if this will actually show up on the internet, or I'm just typing on a word processor for only me and the purple gorrilla jumping around on my desktop to see. I'm sure that you are wondering to yourself... Who is this wannabe super hero? Why does he want to be a "Wannabe a Super Hero?" Well, I believe Jerry Seinfeld said it best when he said, "When boys are growing up hearing of Superman, Batman, Spiderman; these aren't fantasies, they are options." I'm still slightly convinced that one day I'm going to wake up with x-ray vision, spidey-senses, or *finger crossed* a billion dollars, a mansion with a high-tech underground cave and an overtly long car that shoots flames out of the exhaust and rockets out of the cupholders. I'll just have to settle for my own catch phrase. Here's hoping... until next time, same Otter time, same Otter website (how's that for originality?)